Chris’ blog entry
There is no power in your life greater than your own. We fear this possibility because we think that if we embrace it, then we are to blame for what has gone wrong in our lives. But if you let go of blame altogether, the premise turns into one of unlimited power – that you have the potential to make every good thing you’ve ever wanted for yourself come true. Because, in fact, it isn’t just that there is no power in your life greater than your own – there is no power in your life other than your own.
This is the central message of The Way Out, and the central message I am here to pass on.
And it is a powerful message. Embedded in this statement is permission to free yourself of punishment, blame, guilt, and judgment, and allow yourself right now to be liberated into the very emotional state, physical condition and general state of being that you long for most.
If you don’t know what you long for, or if you have forgotten what freedom feels like, you can go about reconnecting to it by recognizing a good and beautiful feeling when you feel it, regardless of when or why you are feeling it. Once you do that, you’re on to the very emotion this statement is giving you permission to feel, and the very state of being it is permitting you to be.
I’m not saying that giving yourself permission to feel wonderful is the easiest thing to do, especially at first. To begin with we’ve all been shamed into thinking that being happy is somehow wrong – that you’re harming others, that it’s selfish, that it is irresponsible, that being happy is being in denial of everything horrible that is going on, that it is a sin. And so feeling wonderful, being happy, and getting what you want has indeed become a sin – but only because we made it one.
You can’t change the world’s opinion on this – you can only change your own. Decide that it is not a sin to wake up everyday thrilled to be alive, and to be enjoying everything that you do, and to be receiving everything that your heart, soul, mind and body long for, and it will no longer be a sin to you.
As you go about this process of changing your mind day by day, minute by minute, about the rightness of your personal happiness, you’ll get better at it. As you do, all the reasons to be unhappy will dissolve and be replaced with reasons to be happy. You will not have changed “the world”, but you will have changed your world, which is the only world you will ever live in, and the only one you can ever change. If you want to save the world, save yourself. That’s all you have to do, that’s all you can do.
You have my permission, but that means nothing. You must give yourself permission to be happy, for that is the only permission, and the only power, you’ll ever know.
Jose Cabrera Says:
April 3rd, 2007 at 8:15 pmVisit Jose Cabrera
To learn how to love myself as a gay man has been nothing but a challenge. I was programmed as a child by my parents, the church, and society in general that homosexuality meant an imperfection, meant something dirty, something to be ashamed of, and above all a sin. As such, in my coming out process I was unable to find comfort or love within myself; no reference point to sooth the pain of rejection I experienced. As with any computer, especially our mind, if there is no reference point you just keep going in circles until the system eventually shots down. My system shot down several years ago as I was trying to live the life of a married man, a father, and an active member of a church community. Depression, anxiety, and insomnia took over my life and the intelligent, caring, and charismatic person that I had always been became nothing more than a shadow of guilt.
I read your book and it brought tears of joy and sadness at the same time. I realized that I am not alone and the feelings that I have are ok and part of the process to heal my wounds; reprogramming process. It hasn’t been easy, but with everyday that goes by I am loving myself a little bit more and caring much less for what others think, say, or do.
My marriage and church life ended the day that I came out; however, the two most important people in my life, my daughter and my son, have embraced the real me; an intelligent, caring, and charismatic gay man. I still battle depression, but books such as yours gives me hope and the will to keep going.
Hugs,
Jose C
Andy Says:
April 10th, 2007 at 5:46 pmVisit Andy
Chris, I can’t believe how awesome your book is. After 25 years I finally feel like a whole person. So much of your story is my story. Thanks. I hope to meet you someday and thank you in person. My doctor has just reduced my anti depressants to the lowest dose because I’m feeling so good inside.
Wow!
Andy
Iggy Franich Says:
April 12th, 2007 at 3:08 amVisit Iggy Franich
I am in Perth Australian and your book found its way to me with perfect timing for my 33rd birthday. It was both what I wanted and needed. You are a pioneer. Im glad to have read your book as it echoes so much in my life and my own journey.
Regards
Iggy
Andy Says:
April 12th, 2007 at 4:19 pmVisit Andy
The ‘Visit Jose’ doesn’t seem to be working on this blog, but I would very much like to talk to you via email Jose.
I live in a fairly large city in the middle of a Bible Belt. I am some what of a public figure in the area because of my artistic abilities and I am employed in a prominent evangelical organization. To “come out” will create a much greater stir than I would like to see. I will loose almost everything including clients. But I am not a coward either. Living the double life is killing me and I could use some advice on specifics.
I have begun to fully accept myself, I finally have some peace, but I am in a faith crisis as well. I cannot reconcile Romans chapter One and the way I am. I had a very happy childhood and I have never been the object of any abuse (until the gay bashing in highschool).
So…..I guess I am asking for help! I’m sorry Chris if I am using your web-site for the wrong purpose. It’s supposed to be about your book.
Andy
Dan Wehinger Says:
May 3rd, 2007 at 3:59 pmVisit Dan Wehinger
Chris,
I am a gay, divorced man with two sons and I’d like to talk to you about coming out the way you did-via the written word. I’m going thru a particularly difficult time in my life and I’m thinking that writing my thoughts and feelings down on paper may be good therepy and a way to share with loved ones, family and close friends, who I am as a man, a son, a father and a friend. As an “outed” man, I’d like to share my experiences with young men who are contemplating (as I did) marrying a woman for all the wrong reasons. Any suggestions would be appreciated Chris. Regards, Dan Wehinger
Abe Says:
June 14th, 2007 at 5:42 amVisit Abe
As an extremely introspective and gay college student, your extremely readable and relevant reader’s guide fascinated me. I have to say I’ve read it quite a few times, and each time I’ve managed to find something different and new. I loved using your guide and applying it to my ever changing experiences in life. But the one concept – I guess theme – is your development and clarity with which you describe how we are conscious observers of our own lives. This is a prevailing attitude, which I believe many on us need to reorient to. I’m on the look out for you next piece.
Chloe Noble Says:
December 31st, 2008 at 9:19 amVisit Chloe Noble
Oh my goodness. How did I find you? I thought you were amazing after reading a tiny excerpt of yours on enlightenment. Now I find out that you’re gay! Ha!
So am I. And I had almost given up on anyone helping me reconcile my internalized homophobia. Then I stumbled upon you trying to find the a quick way to enlightenment. Lol. Thats so crazy.
I believe you are one of the greatest writers I have ever come across. Your insights are simple, and yet mind blowing. Your style is breathtaking. And I look forward to exploring everything you have ever written.